…but my Jesus is a super God!! The last two days have been so wonderful. After letting go of the shame I had been feeling about not having this perfect little post-adoption life, I feel freer than I have in a long time. So many people have commented on this blog, emailed me, and Facebooked me to tell me that all we are going through is completely normal and that I am not alone. Most even thanked me for my honesty… By letting go of that, I got rid of that foothold the devil had on me and I feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off my shoulders. Don’t get me wrong… We will have bad days. But the last couple days my patience level has risen, the mood in the house has lightened, Moses is being more obedient, and I am able to explain rationally to him the consequences for his actions. It may sound so menial, but those are huge steps in this house. I think some of our hardest days (in this part of the journey) are behind us, and I am much better equipped to handle what comes our way in the future.
Tonight I am going to part 1 of my ten year high school reunion, and I have very mixed feelings. High school was not the time of my life. I was teased, humiliated, and constantly picked on until finally my senior year I traveled to the other extreme and became a strong-willed, not-so-nice chick. It was the wall I put up to knock all that mess down, but I’m not proud of that. When I left high school, I never.ever.ever wanted to go back. The messiness. The drama. The gossip. The cliques. The fight for “popularity.” The pressure. The cattiness. Ugh… vomit. Ok ok, there were some good days, and some great memories made with some amazing friends. It wasn’t all bad.
BUT the friends I made good memories with are people I still talk to and love now.
I am nervous about this weekend… Already the feelings of self-doubt and insecurity are beginning to creep back up on me. I am going hoping to see that everyone has grown up and matured, and to show off my beautiful family. I am praying that the Lord empowers me to speak life and joy and blessing and to put all the drama crap of the past back in the past where it belongs. To be honest I hadn’t thought about it in years until this week…
It’s so incredible to see the journey these last ten years have been. It’s majestic to look back since high school and see the work God has done in my heart and in my life, and especially the grace and mercy He has extended towards me. Hoping to make lots of new, wonderful memories this weekend. Pray with me?
You should post some pics from your reunion…i am sure it will go great! You have nothing but love, happiness to share with all your old classmates! :0) so glad you feel free now after sharing your heart the other day! :0)
Oh, I know exactly how you feel about your reunion. I wouldn’t relive high.school for a million bucks- i think. In fact, I wasn’t going to go to my reunion… but I did and I had a great time. It was great seeing everyone- and having the opportunity to reconnect with friends I lost along the way. *You are beautiful and your family is amazing- you’ll walk away from that night feeling that. I promise.
xo