the matts:

SO we have been putting off cutting Moses’ hair for a long, long time. It was last cut about 1.5-2 months before I came back home. It was a VERY traumatizing experience getting the kids’ heads’ shaved at the orphanage, and it’s not something I wanted to bring back… I wanted to conquer some emotional hurdles together first. Though we got some awesome barber recommendations, we just couldn’t swing that money right now when I can shave a head at my house. Plus I wanted to be extra close so I could soothe him if he was upset.

Tonight, we tackled the fro. We’ve been wanting to do a mohawk forever, just like the LSU football players wear sometimes. So we all sat down on the floor as a fam, got out the clippers, and I went to work. Moses was scared at first, just like I thought he would be. But with some reassurement and lots of love, in a matter of 2 minutes he was relaxed and smiling.

Here’s the final result. Not bad for a home job, eh?

It looks so awesome in person! Just wait

Go to Carole Turner’s blog and read this post. It’ll challenge you, but not condemn you. It’ll make you think, and make you wanna get up and do something. It’ll also make you wanna slap some idiots in the face… Or maybe that’s just me!

For real. Read it. Now. Do it. Go! What are you waiting for?

A look into our summer days in BRLA

We took some kids from BRDC summer program for some treats at McDonald’s last week… I love getting to know these sweet girls. Their lives are harder than anything we could imagine, but once you break past the rough exterior and brick walls they put up, there is SO MUCH to love!

We barbeque the yummiest food and fellowship with some incredible friends…

We spend time with family that we treasure (and don’t see nearly enough)…

We snuggle with our puppy. Moses shook and screamed the first day Harper was here. Now he shows her lots of love and wants to spend all his time with her! And Pres, she really loves those puppy dog kisses. Like wow!

We hang out, ride bikes, color the driveway, water the plants, and get eaten alive by mosquitoes…

… And then go inside, cool off, and enjoy this beautiful life God has blessed us with

Thank you, Jesus for all that we have… We are so.so.so grateful!

Since tomorrow I want to shower love and attention on my hubs, I decided to post my Father’s Day message a little early…

I am blessed to be surrounded by some of the most amazing fathers on the planet. My daddy has stood by me through everything, believing in me, and jumping on-board with my dreams (even when he didn’t understand them). And now he is a fantastic grandpa to three beautiful grandbabies… What an awesome example he will be to them!

My baby brother is a man now, and a father to the most beautiful one year old boy on the planet. My big little bro has grown up and matured into this incredible, nurturing, giving, caring, selfless man and daddy. I am so blessed and honored to be his sister.

I have a step-dad who adores me and my family and is always there for us. I have a father-in-law a girl could only ever dream about, who is also such an incredible “Pops” to Mo and Pres. I have Pastors Dino, Craig, and many others to serve as examples of Jesus and Godly men in my everyday life.

And my husband, well, he’s the most amazing man of all. He is a patient, kind, playful, hard-working, teaching daddy. He took care of Presley (with some help) for three months, while keeping up with the house, bills, and oh yeah, working full-time.

Most importantly, he shows Presley and Moses how a woman should be treated. I’ve heard someone say something like “The best thing a man can do for his children is love their mother” and I believe that 100%. In addition, he is one of few consistent male figures in the lives of many of the inner city kids we are able to minister to at BRDC. He shows them honor, respect, and love when others have turned their backs.

This has been the hardest, most challenging, tear-filled year of my life, with more hardship and battles than I have known what to do with. But through it all, I have had Chris all around me… In front of me, being our family’s leader. Behind me, pushing me and believing in me when no one else did. And beside me, fighting with me.

I don’t know a lot of things right now. I am in a tough place… But one thing I know is true. I wouldn’t want to do this life with anyone else than Chris Matt. He is my perfect match, my soul mate, my partner. It’s for him that I was created, and I am so proud to be his wife and the mother of his kids.

I love you, baby. Thank you for loving me the way you do.

Sharing milk and sunglasses with our new best friend…

Sharing a hug (one foot in front of the tv)…

Sharing a love for dance and Yo Gabba Gabba…

Sharing a secret and a doggy kiss…

Sharing hearts, dinner, and what God’s doing in our lives with great girlfriends…

… Such is life…

And oh, we.are.blessed.

My mom went to visit her mom in Lake Charles for her birthday last week and brought home this awesome pillow that’s been in Grammy’s home for years. She thought it would be fitting for us to have it given our heart for adoption and children worldwide.

Without us ever telling her or calling it this, the first time Presley saw it she called it “The Jesus Pillow.” And now every time she sees it, that’s how she refers to it.

Seriously. Could there be any truer, more pure expression of the Father’s love? There are kids from every race, color, tribe, nation and tongue represented, all holding hands.

And my sweet two year old looked at it and thought of Jesus.

I will forever treasure The Jesus Pillow in this home…

Yes we adopted again already, but this time she’s a dog! My hubby has wanted a black lab since…well… as long as he can remember. And the last couple months that I have been home I have been considering it more and more. Actually it started in Africa- the boys in the village had a dog, and I just saw how much they loved him and took care of him.

A few weeks ago I started thinking about it more seriously, and the other day began really searching for the right pup for us. We wanted a fully house trained dog, up-to-date on all shots, who didn’t dig/chew/act crazy, was good with kids, and was free… It was a tall order. But God hooked us up and we got in touch with a great couple who had rescued a dog whose owners were going to send her to the pound. (Turns out the wife went to HPC for ten years and did a few medical outreaches at the Dream Center!) They have had her a couple months and have done an amazing job taking care of her, and now she’s all ours She was called Happy, but we have renamed her Harper.

Moses.freaked.out, which we totally expected. But in just a few hours, he had totally warmed up to her. I mean, Presley’s in love with Harper, but Moses isn’t quite there yet. He’s quickly coming around and I can just see her as our perfect little puppy princess. I got a feeling she’s gonna rule this roost!

Here are some pics of our precious pup, Harper, on her first day home with us:

…but my Jesus is a super God!! The last two days have been so wonderful. After letting go of the shame I had been feeling about not having this perfect little post-adoption life, I feel freer than I have in a long time. So many people have commented on this blog, emailed me, and Facebooked me to tell me that all we are going through is completely normal and that I am not alone. Most even thanked me for my honesty… By letting go of that, I got rid of that foothold the devil had on me and I feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off my shoulders. Don’t get me wrong… We will have bad days. But the last couple days my patience level has risen, the mood in the house has lightened, Moses is being more obedient, and I am able to explain rationally to him the consequences for his actions. It may sound so menial, but those are huge steps in this house. I think some of our hardest days (in this part of the journey) are behind us, and I am much better equipped to handle what comes our way in the future.

Tonight I am going to part 1 of my ten year high school reunion, and I have very mixed feelings.  High school was not the time of my life. I was teased, humiliated, and constantly picked on until finally my senior year I traveled to the other extreme and became a strong-willed, not-so-nice chick. It was the wall I put up to knock all that mess down, but I’m not proud of that. When I left high school, I never.ever.ever wanted to go back. The messiness. The drama. The gossip. The cliques. The fight for “popularity.” The pressure. The cattiness. Ugh… vomit. Ok ok, there were some good days, and some great memories made with some amazing friends. It wasn’t all bad.

BUT the friends I made good memories with are people I still talk to and love now.

I am nervous about this weekend… Already the feelings of self-doubt and insecurity are beginning to creep back up on me. I am going hoping to see that everyone has grown up and matured, and to show off my beautiful family. I am praying that the Lord empowers me to speak life and joy and blessing and to put all the drama crap of the past back in the past where it belongs. To be honest I hadn’t thought about it in years until this week…

It’s so incredible to see the journey these last ten years have been. It’s majestic to look back since high school and see the work God has done in my heart and in my life, and especially the grace and mercy He has extended towards me. Hoping to make lots of new, wonderful memories this weekend. Pray with me?

When I was gone to Africa, I missed a lot of people, places and things… Besides missing my family like crazy, the Dream Center was what I longed for most. The kids bring me such purpose and joy, and they have radically changed my life. There’s nothing like being a mom- that’s my hugest blessing and honor in life. Nothing can compare to being a wife and mommy… But having the opportunity to do life with these kids from a completely different background, to be able to minister to them, to let them know they are loved, to tell them we are there for them, and to feel that love back… Oh, wow. My heart is full.

BRDC kids summer program started this week, and it has been INCREDIBLE. So many of these kids are just so hugely special to me, and I just can’t get enough of them. That’s not to say they aren’t challenging at times- but the bigger the challenge, the greater the reward. Today I am SO full of joy and I feel so crazy blessed that I get to be in the lives of these children. He chose me. Wow. Blows me away…

Today we took the kiddos to the LSU Dairy Store where they got to see where and how the cheese and ice cream is made there… Then everyone got a cup of ice cream (for free). After that we all loaded up and headed to City Park for a little picnic and playtime. I managed to grab a few pictures today so I could share the amazingness of this program… And yes, “amazingness” is a word.

If any of you have known me very long, you know there is a very special little boy that I have loved since the day I started inner city ministry with HPC in 2004.  We have a bond that can only come from God, and it’s something I deeply treasure. He’s a part of summer program this year, and hanging out with him today was SUCH  treat.

Isn’t this little girl just perfect? She’s part of a family that we have absolutely fallen in love with over the last couple months… They are going through some crazy hard stuff at a really young age, but they are just some of the most beautiful, incredible kids. Love her

And here are some more pictures from our awesome day in the park… We’d love for you to join us this summer in bringing love to these children. I promise you will get more than you give…

(Click on a photo to make it appear larger or just to scroll through them all.)

Adoption is amazing. It rocks your world, changes your life, brings purpose where there was a void, puts a former orphan into a home and family forever and kicks Satan in the chin. It’s incredible. At the same time, there is NOT enough support out there for people struggling after bringing children home. It’s not all rosy. It’s not peaches and cream. There are struggles- SERIOUS battles, especially when adopting a child over age 2. These kids have been exposed to way too much, and trained to think and behave extremely differently than kids we get to raise from birth. It’s a battle, and with the battle comes shame. I was ashamed to admit this, but not anymore.

The first month we were home, things felt too easy. Everything was going great. The bonding, attachment and adjustment seemed easy breezy. But the last few weeks the tide has turned. I am becoming impatient with the things I used to find endearing. Discipline- as in having to reprimand for the SAME things 50x a day- is becoming exhausting. My hormones and emotions are all outta wack. It doesn’t help that my husband still doesn’t have a job (though that is looking up) and we have financial stressors weighing down on us.

I compare adoption and pregnancy a lot… And I really do think they have a lot in common. Both bring unknowns. No, we don’t know anything really about Moses’ medical past, but when you get pregnant, you have no idea if your child will be born 100% completely healthy either. There are no guarantees. Both pregnancy and adoption gets your emotions and hormones in a place you could never imagine. There are TONS of unexpected circumstances and situations. There’s waiting. There are sleepless nights. And for many, there is post-partum depression. I personally believe that there is a form of that with adoptions, too.

And I also believe I am dealing with something like that right now. I struggled with sharing this publicly… I do NOT want to discourage anyone from adopting. Adoption and orphan advocating is still a passion of mine that drives me, and it always will be. We will adopt again. Soon. But just like I shared the struggles I experienced in Uganda, I feel like it’s more of a disservice not to be honest about what can happen. People need to know all the possible outcomes, and families need to band together to fight the attacks of the enemy on children of God.

Do you think the lady in Tennessee who sent her child back to Russia on a plane just woke up one day and decided to do that? Or do you think she battled for weeks/months with how to save her family? You might think she failed that child, but I think we all failed her. There should be a more clear-cut community of support for families who adopt older kids.

Now, Moses is NOWHERE near where that child was. Moses is a really.good.kid. He is sweet, tender-hearted, loving, affectionate, and totally wonderful. But right now he’s doing a LOT of testing and disobeying, and I am trying to settle back into my life before him, but with him. And that’s taking a lot of adjusting.  After reaching out to several other families and spending lots of time with the Lord, I am beginning to feel restored in this area. I have learned that discipline with these kids can take a very.long.time, and have been encouraged that my being consistent with him is the key. I am enjoying all of our special little moments together… I have had 2.5 years to love Presley (not counting the 9 + months she spent in my belly), and little by little, I am falling in love with Moses everyday. It’s a conscious decision and it doesn’t always come easy.

But this I promise you… It is worth it. It is so worth it.

Honesty, love, and soul-baring,

Meghan

(the pictures are either huge and moses gets cut off, or too small… click on the images to make them bigger. it’ll be fun )

Overheard yesterday in our house

(after days of incessant two year old whining, tantrums, refused kisses and lots of “no’s”):

Chris enjoys some cheese in the recliner in our living room, Presley at his feet.

Presley: “I want some cheeeese!”

Chris: “This cheese is only for Daddy and people who are sweet to Daddy.”

Presley climbs up into Chris’ lap and gives him a hug and a kiss. Upon returning to her feet she says,

“I want my cheese now.”

Oh, our little sassy pants. We do love her so

“I do not know what direction He will take our family in. But this I know: I can trust wherever He leads. And I can know that He does use everything—even job loss, even the hard things of life. In the end we will find Him faithful. In the end we will find Him true. In the end we will see what He has done and marvel at His ability to use everything and waste nothing.

Even this.“

-Marybeth Whalen

The above quotation is from a forwarded inspirational email I received today from one of my dearest friends. The entire message spoke life into my heart, as I continue to grasp at my faith during this trying time.

He who promised is faithful… I hung onto that verse in Africa, and I cling to it today.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I don’t know where we are headed in life. But I do know that right now, in this moment, I trust my God with everything inside me. I have peace.

Thank you, Jesus.

One thing I LOVE about my church- and especially BRDC- is that we have programs in place to help fight sex trafficking. It is a HUGE pandemic in the world today that very few people are actually talking about. Tom Davis‘ new book Priceless comes out today, and it helps bring light to the horrific tragedies so many young girls are enduring every day. Here are some stats:

• 1.2 million children are trafficked every year; this is in addition to the millions already held captive by trafficking
• Every 2 minutes a child is being prepared for sexual exploitation
• The average victim is forced to have sex up to 40 times a day
• The average age of a trafficked victim is 14 years old
• Sex trafficking is an engine of the global AIDS epidemic
• By 2010 Sex Trafficking will be the number one crime worldwide

Read more about this, and the book Priceless here. Read about a woman from our very own backyard saved from the sex trade on Carole Turner’s blog here.

This is real. Women are being help captive and raped multiple times a DAY for YEARS. It’s unpleasant and uncomfortable, but it is real, like it or not. This is not a movie, but true life for millions of young girls.

We all need to wake up and do something!

The joy in the faces of my kids.

The love in the heart of my husband.

Thank you, Jesus.